


Uncertain Love

by Natterina



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Battlements kissing, Drama, F/M, Misunderstanding, Romance
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-26
Updated: 2015-10-26
Packaged: 2018-04-28 08:10:48
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,123
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5084635
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Natterina/pseuds/Natterina
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It was the damned locket that crushed his hopes.</p><p>It hung around her neck on a thin silver thread: the locket itself was heart shaped and well looked after, a symbol of love handed to her to display.</p><p>A symbol to Cullen that Trevelyan could never be his.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Uncertain Love

It was the damned locket that crushed his hopes.

It hung around her neck on a thin silver thread: the locket itself was heart shaped and well looked after, and a lovely red ruby was set in the silver centre, which glimmered when the light hit it. A symbol of love handed to her.

A symbol to Cullen that Trevelyan could never be his.

He had first noticed it when he pulled her out of the snow into his arms; it had slipped out from under her armour when he turned the unconscious Evelyn towards him, holding her to his chest as Cassandra led the way back to camp. It had frazzled his blooming infatuation for her, and Cullen had tried desperately to avoid looking at the pretty little silver trinket.

He couldn’t help himself, however. When Evelyn was healed but still unconscious, and he volunteered to watch over her whilst Mother Giselle took a momentary respite, he spotted it laying on top of Evelyn’s pack. It must have been removed when the healer dealt with her cracked collar bone.

Cullen had picked it up in curiosity before he knew what he was doing, however, and he carefully turned it over in his armoured hands. There was no way he could open the thing with his gauntlets on, but in the firelight he could just about read the delicate etching on the back.

_To my darling Evelyn, with love._

Cullen felt _sick_. Their flirting had been harmless, to be sure, and he had no illusions of holding her affection after knowing each other for so little time, but he couldn’t deny that he had _hoped_. When she had stood in Haven’s chantry resolute, willing to die to give them time to escape, Cullen had felt his gut twist with horror and regret and _sadness_ at seeing her leave.

Seeing that locket made his gut twist again.

So he had left it at that, had ceased his small flirtations and tried only to be polite with her. He stopped calling her by her name despite her insistence, restricting himself to _Inquisitor_ or _Trevelyan._ But the damned woman did not make it easy.

Evelyn came to see him almost every time she was back in Skyhold from her journeys, and would spend her time either playing chess with him in the garden, or reading her reports in the spare chair in his office. What he had thought were flirtations were now clearly just her being _nice_ to him, and he could not stop his heart from wanting her.

It was a physical ache in his chest: every time she gave him a smile, or hummed to herself in his office, or handed him a potion she made to help relieve his headaches, was an ache he could not suppress. It was far, far more than a physical attraction. Cullen knew he was falling for the mage but he could not _stop_.

It was a particularly bad day when he withdrew from her. Evelyn had just returned to Skyhold; he had remained in his office fighting down the headache and the urge to vomit his lunch, a shaking and sweating mess under the layers of his armour. Cullen clenched his teeth when she entered his office with her usual grin and hands full of reports, news on her lips about the development in the Western Approach.

He told her to leave, voice sharper than his blade and full of the weariness in his bones. She complied, confused and quiet with that _damned_ locket resting on the outside of her clothes, and Cullen nearly broke the side of his gauntlet with the force of his fist smashing into the wall beside him.

He was falling in love with a woman he could not have and, coupled with his lyrium withdrawal, it was pushing him to his limits.

Of course, Cullen had never thought to _ask_ Evelyn about it, dreading any answer she would give.

He almost hated his idiocy when the truth came to light.

They were awaiting the final reports from Leliana on the situation at Adamant, intending to march before the week was out, when Evelyn entered his office with a nervous look on her face. She had resumed her usual report reading in his office since he had apologised to her, but she came far less than she used to.

“Commander.” She said by way of greeting, looking around his office with wide eyes as though she expected someone to be hiding in the shadows. He inclined his head at her.

“Inquisitor. Is there something you need?”

“Yes, I was just wondering if I could have a word? Alone, that is.” Alone? Cullen dreaded any rumours his soldiers would spread if he was spotted walking the battlements with her alone.

“No.” His answer came so fast he could not stop it, and Evelyn’s eyebrows furrowed immediately as she looked at him, suspicion and annoyance evident on her face.

“Any particular reason why not, Commander?” The intensity of her look as she spoke her words made Cullen blush slightly, and he cleared his throat.

“I mean, that is… Evelyn, as I understand it you are already involved with someone, and I would not wish any undue rumours to arise.” If he were going to say anything else, Cullen would not have been able to: Evelyn looked a curious mixture between being insulted, and as though she had observed Cullen grow an extra head right in front of her.

“ _Excuse me?_ Has someone been spreading rumours again? Where the bloody hell did you get that idea?” She crossed her arms in front of her chest with a frown, and her sharp eyes watched Cullen as he felt himself rooted to the spot.

Cullen didn’t know _what_ to feel. He was torn between feeling elated at her words, and being overly cautious with his aching heart. He was relieved and shocked, cursing the fact that he had just _assumed_ without ever _asking_.

“ _Well?_ ”

He had forgotten she had even asked a question. With a hand running awkwardly through his hair, he motioned to the locket on her chest.

“We… I assumed, I mean the locket _says_ ‘darling Evelyn’ and I merely connected the dots.”

Cullen didn’t think her expression could get any angrier, but she took a step closer. He felt the tension crackling between them, her own magic burning brightly inside her. As he looked at her, cheeks flushed and her eyes dilated, he saw her attraction to him clear as day. Maker, it was _always_ there, how had he ever thought she was just being _nice_? 

“So let me get this straight: you saw a necklace about my neck, I’m presuming you must have had hold of it to read the inscription, and without ever asking you just _t_ _hought_ that I was involved with someone?”

His face was flushed with embarrassment. Cullen gave a grimace and a nod, wondering what she would do. He didn’t want to say anything, didn’t want to ruin the chance that had become available to him.

Evelyn started laughing. No, she was absolutely _howling_ with laughter, one hand bracing against his desk to keep her upright.

“Oh you stubborn, stubborn fool. You could have saved yourself so much wasted time if you’d only asked.”

At that he frowned, not willing to be the subject of her laughter.

“Inquisitor, it wasn’t unreasonable for me to-“

“It’s a gift from my mother, Cullen. Before I went to the Circle, she gave it to me as a parting gift. I’ve always been close to her, even after I left home; she still writes me even now. I used to hide it under my robes so the Templars wouldn’t find it, but now that I am free of the Circle, I show it freely.”

The grin on her face was almost splitting it, and there was a light in her eyes he was almost certain would be reflected in his own. He was so _relieved_ , and seeing that beautiful smile directed at him made him desperate to grab her and kiss her.

Before he could do anything of the sort, Evelyn motioned with her head to the door leading to the battlements, her smile slightly faded but the humour still in her eyes. As he followed her out the door she slowed her pace, walking alongside him.

“Cullen, I’m going to tell you what I came here to tell you. I have feelings for you, and I’ve been thinking about you a lot more than I should, lately. I had thought there would be reciprocation, but seeing as you thought I was with someone else then I understand if there isn’t.” Evelyn’s words were hurried, uttered in fear and accompanied by wringing hands and a change in the feel of her magic.

Cullen felt his heart skip a beat in his chest. Maker, this was everything he could have hoped for, and everything he thought he could not have from her. He put a hand to the back of his neck, feeling her gaze burning into him as he wondered what to say. She was close, near enough that he could smell her perfume, smell the scent of hair that had been outdoors for too long.

“Evelyn, I’ll admit I’ve never considered this situation or what to say, because I never thought it possible. But that doesn’t mean I never developed-“

Whatever he _was_ going to say, the words that would change _everything_ between them, was interrupted by Leliana’s _damned_ scout, Jim.

“ _What_?” Any other time the harshness in his voice would have made him feel guilty immediately, but _something_ was changing between them and he didn’t need the interruption!

The poor scout looked up at that, and immediately shirked away from Cullen.

“Sister Leliana’s report, Commander. You wanted it delivered ‘without delay.’” Seeing Cullen’s glare still being levelled at him, the scout took a step back. “Or, to your office. Right.”

As Cullen watched the scout leave, Evelyn spoke up.

“Listen, Cullen, I understand if you don’t feel-“

Cullen had taken a step back to face her, but had moved so quickly that their noses brushed before he could correct himself. Evelyn was looking up and him and he down at her, and the moment their skin touched both froze. For a moment, neither moved. Cullen’s heart raced in his body, his mouth dry and his skin still touching hers. He watched her eyes widen and her tongue dart out to lick her lips, felt the tension between them explode when he crashed his lips to hers.

His hands held her face gently, pulling her closer to him as he kissed her hard, desperate for her to understand. Evelyn clutched at him, unable to lean against anything, fingers tightening in the fur of his mantle as she kissed back desperately. It was hard but _fantastic_ , the feel of his armoured hands on her face and his nose pressed against hers, the feel of her breath on his lips as he moved back slightly, only to be chased by her lips.

Evelyn kissed him hard, her teeth pulling at his lower lip until he let her in again. Cullen could not believe it, believe that he was here _kissing_ her because she was with _no one_ , except maybe she was with _him_ now. He pulled back from her, eyes slightly lidded and close enough still that their breath mixed in the cold mountain air.

She was smiling at him, utter happiness clear on her features, and he found himself smiling back.

“I’m sorry… that was really nice.” His smile turned bashful, nervous even, but Evelyn gave him a peck on the lips to calm him. At the return of his confident smile, she laughed.

“Someone has been wanting to do that for a very long time.”

She would always think that Cullen’s following laugh was utterly _beautiful_ , relaxed and happy as it was. He slowly pushed her towards the edge of the battlements, giving her something to lean against as he trapped her in his arms and took her lips once more.

“Longer than I should admit, Evelyn.”

* * *

Seven months later, Cullen helped Evelyn down from her carriage at the entrance to the Winter Palace. She wore her locket around her neck, the chain on the outside of the uniform and the heart itself resting just above the first button on her chest.

On the same chain was a clear, circular locket, handmade by Dagna. Inside, visible to any who looked at it, was the small coin he gave her at the lake a month prior. A love token, a symbol that she was loved.

A symbol to Cullen that she was _his_.


End file.
